I have so many dreams with you in them.
Against my better judgement you find your way in and grace my sleeping subconscious with that amazing smile.
I reach for your hand and it feels so real, so close I can close my fingers and feel home again.
But before my palm touches yours my body shoots me awake like it's saying "don't drink that poison kid it'll only make it worse."
When I see your face I feel my heart and mind leave my body.
My heart runs forward, my mind runs away, and my body is left in the middle wondering why.
Why it had to be this way, when I know why.
What I could've done, when I know there's nothing.
I know it doesn't work that way.
I know I became the most annoying thing on earth to you after you left.
When I freaked out when you wouldn't text back in five minutes.
When I tried too hard to have your attention.
I was left clawing at the door trying to get it open again.
When it was already sealed over with bricks I couldn't break.
The glowing entrance sign's lights died out and in the dark I wept to make noise to keep me sane.
I told the wall I loved it in hopes of hearing it echo back to me if I screamed loud enough.
But here in the fallout of it all, Silence is much more comforting.
Feeling my heartbeat steady to a stop.
The feeling of your lips on mine is long gone but sometimes in those dreams I can almost feel it again and it makes everything else numb.
But before that thought has time to manifest I'm awake.
I wish I didn't have to call those dreams nightmares.
But they hurt so damn much.