You sit there alone in the dark,
The you before him,
The you you are now,
The contrast is visibly stark.
You sit criss cross on your bed,
Lashes damp, eyes burning, and red,
It’s just after midnight,
You feel pathetic,
You replay it all in your head.
You start with the day that you met,
It was a Tuesday,
An ordinary day,
The kind you’d forget.
But then it all changed,
Smiles, handshakes,
And names were exchanged.
On the surface,
It was incredibly customary,
It was simple, unmemorable,
Painfully ordinary.
What made this different,
You weren’t sure,
Your feelings illogical,
So child-like, so juvenile,
So immature.
“You’re better than this.”
In the moment you thought.
In fact, you kept saying this,
As the days, weeks, and months went on.
“Get it together!”
You’d scream in the mirror.
Time had done nothing,
Your thoughts were no clearer.
You pace back and forth,
All sensibility in danger,
How could so much be felt,
So deeply, for a virtual stranger?
You felt ridiculous and crazy,
Your sanity lacking,
This next part gets hazy
All you remember are your fears, your panicking .
Was it coincidence, fate, or divine intervention?
Whatever it was,
Your next meeting came with no planning, no intention.
This one was longer,
There was more than a greeting.
You were a mess, a goner,
You could hear your heart beating.
But it was okay,
You kept your composure,
Better than you thought you would,
No liquid aid, totally sober.
This meeting made a friend out of the “virtual stranger,”
It was progress, a milestone,
But a detrimental, emotional game changer.
You hated yourself, you wanted more,
Your feelings grew stronger,
Angry, always present,
They refused to be ignored.
You drove yourself nuts,
You overthought,
But there was no one to blame,
No one at fault.
You were painfully afraid of rejection,
So you never made your move.
Every touch you thought was just platonic affection.
You fought your emotion like you had something to prove.
You had plenty of chances to get what you wanted,
But what you didn’t account for?
You weren’t the only one charmed,
You weren’t the only one haunted.
Now it’s too late,
To another, your charmer has made a promise
You were too busy being a little bitch,
And just couldn’t bear to be honest.
So congrats, Heartbreaker!
You’ve earned the title!
Go on, do what you do best,
Fake a smile!
Go ahead, take a seat upon your throne!
It really is a pity though.
The only heart that appears to be broken is your own.