I always had these two sides of me.
One that everyone sees with a smile and positivity but for every battery there is always negativity.
I never show that side of me because I do not want people to worry nor see that person that is the lonely side of me.
The thoughts that i keep to myself, the secret wishes that I try to grant myself.
To be honest, I don't truly love myself.
I may be human and that's no fault of my own but I can't help but take jabs at myself for every flaw and mistake, I have and have done.
Maybe I can bob and weave every now and again because I find the strength to but it was not because of me.
I wrap myself with consistent positivity that i pretend that there is nothing wrong with me and hoping to god that someone does not see through my facade and start to unwrap me like a kid on Christmas morning.
Eventually they see a person who's scared of being alone and
depressed that it might actually be true.
Feelings that just sit on my soul, waiting for someone to claim them but for anyone who digs deep and take that huge leap for me, might not see a huge trophy saying victory but a small one for participation.