i see the sun coming through my window but only feel the winter air
i say, you are dear to me, you are so dear to me, you are so, so,
as i watch you dance in the golden light outside, out of reach and seemingly unaware
and you are basking in all that is not me, all that you can hold within your hands, feel the weight on your palms, close fist on and restrict
and i've been there, yet i still wish to be
the soft and pliable thing in your grip, struggling to breathe
beaming lover, blinding me
and i thought i was over it, i thought i wasn't gonna grieve this time,
cos you're not gone, but it feels like you're gone with this wall between us,
these panes of glass and you on the outside, but not bothering to look in to see this boy you left behind
this stupid boy, dying to be your winter coat, your autumn leaves, your summer sun to dance in
to be outside and to be in your grasp
oxygen or lack thereof