I used to wait for the days when I’d get a free moment from you.
I used to hate the majority of things you did.
I used to feel like a ******* because of things you’d say.
And I used to hate your cavalier attitude.
But in the last month or so,
You’ve become one of – if not the only – person I trust.
And I’m just waiting for the day when it all goes back to how it used to be.
I’m happy for you. I truly am – from the bottom of my heart.
And I’m trying my best to give you space.
But I’ve become a terrible *****,
Because I’m unbelievably jealous.
When I see how happy you are,
I’m ashamed to admit more often than not do the words
“What the hell did you do to deserve that?”
Run through my mind.
Because from what I recall,
One of the lowest years of my life has been because of you.
And despite everything that’s happened recently,
You will always be the person who stole my innocence without my desire to.
And you will always be the one who cheated on me.
And you will always be the one who made me feel more used
Than anyone should ever know.
I was your toy practically every day of my life
While you still used others.
And then,
When someone finally came along and saved me from you,
You tried to take it away from me.
Not to mention the fact that you have tried to cheat on multiple girlfriends with me.
And I get it… you’ve come a long way since then.
That’s why I forgave you.
But why the hell do you get to have what you have?
When all I’ve done is choose to love unconditionally,
Forgive over
And over
And over again,
Accept the people I love for all of their messed up flaws,
And be willing to do anything to make their dreams come true.
What did I ever do to any of you to deserve all that you’ve put me through?
You and all of the others have done nothing but lie, cheat, and womanize.
Yet, I’m the one who spends every night
Struggling with a decision that would make the pain go away.
I guess no one ever said life would be fair.
But they did say it would be worth living.
This, however, is certainly not worth it.