there are words
that don't express
what one feels

there are feelings
one can't express
that cause suffering

grief

resentment

I hope to not alarm you
but we cannot explain everything we feel
we experience
it's like when you can't remember a dream
but you can feel how it was
to be in that dream and indeed experience it
How it enveloped you into it and you could not escape
Until the sweet moment of awakening

But that dark cloud will always return

sorrow

mourning

the mourning for what never was and never will be
the companionship of a fellow soul that understands your deepest darkest inner parts of you
that lifts you up when you are down, and turns your life upside down
the little flip it gets when you see him
the excited fear of what comes when he is around
the realization that you can never focus on a single subject because everything turns you back to him

everything turns you back to him

hear my lament, my sorrow
to drown myself into a sea of torment