I have been depressed for four years I have lost more than four friends and loved fewer than four people Four times I have tried to do The wrong thing (or the right thing, who really ******* knows) And four times I have been prescribed A life foggier than most others But still more normal than the one That comes to life when left to my own devices
It has been a long four years But they have gone by so fast despite The too long days in a town That only ever taught me how to hate myself I look behind Ahead And I don’t recognize anything other than The child I once was Who had no idea a person could be so alone
It has been tiring And every time I go to sleep I feel like I’m not yet done Paying for the past For the sleepless nights and Zombie days
It has been four days It has been four whole days without Thinking that this isn’t all it’s supposed to be It has been four days of arriving On shores I used to know so ******* well It has been four days, four nights, More than four full meals That have looked something like the Mirage in the lake I was ready to die in
Everyday I must pray I must beg I must pretend that this is my normal That this is my average day That four days of this Is what i’ve always known
It takes more than four days More than four years Four lifetimes To relearn how to swim Without a death wish tied to my ankle It takes more than four worlds To feel the pleasure And not wish for the pain
It take more than four days To know what Living means for me