why are you here?
because im afraid of myself.
rage swoons through my soul echoing like my heartbeat.
why am i so angry?
red knuckles disturb the peace.
salty blood stained slices through my fingers is just one way
to clam the anxiety.
what the **** is trust?
i can't find it
all i see
is fuzzy clouds filled with names of girls i don't want to know
shouldn't i want to know
my mind is filled with vines of sickening vibes
patricia told me to go to my happy place
but it's too hard to get there
i feel like i'm running an eternal race
making me hate eternity
i try to travel back to citadel childhood nostalgia
but even that's scary when all you remember is being alone
i'm still alone
and you're here
and i'm there
and i want to be here  
but not like a flickering candle
lightening and unlighting the room
i want to be constant
i want to be the sun and the moon
because then ill be with you every moment of the day
and all of my hopes and dream will spark in the sky
with the glistening stars
exploding glitter fairytales
the wishes of a dead girl
in a grave with the too many forgotten bodies
i want to feel alive again
to pull my soul out from under the roots of this acidic sunken city
i don't want to feel this pain
and that's when i saw her
i didn't even think twice about pressing the gas
to see her bleach hair come out of her roots
and the glow from her highlight that's she thinks is foundation melt off her skin
to just watch someone feel the nightmares i have every night
to just say
**** it