i still don't know how to feel
about what happened that night
but i know i will never forget
the way it felt to have you by my side
your warm skin beneath my fingertips
the feeling of your hand's grip on my hip
having you hold me so close to you
(your breath in my hair
your fingers brushing my neck
your arms wrapped around me like you were afraid if you let go -
even a little -
i would disappear)

i remember running my nails lightly over your skin
for what seemed like hours but was probably mere minutes
and your gentle touch as you caressed my back lightly, fingers beneath my t-shirt, raising goosebumps on my bare skin
i remember brushing my hand over your cheek and feeling that weekend stubble
resting my hand on your neck, on your shoulder
and feeling you reach for my chin
you tipped my face up to yours like you were going to kiss me
and then (just like that) the moment was over

it was like we woke up from a dream
and we realized where we were
who we were
and what had almost happened
what our body's autopilot modes had almost made us do
and you fled and burned down a few cigarettes
no doubt trying to process and make sense of your feelings
while i laid in your bed feeling colder and confused
two feelings that have yet to wane in me

i know that you don't love me
and i doubt that you ever will
but you need to figure out what you want from me
before this goes sideways irreparably