the purpose of my hideout is to live a low-key life. to live life as if i was invisible and not being known by everyone i passed by. i thought that covering up will do the job, it didn’t. i wanted to not be seen and hoping no one will notice my existence thus i can focus in my studies better. but no, apparently it is not the life i thought i would have. i might just rethink about keeping it on or just taking it off for good. God gives us reminders in so many ways and we will only be able to understand it if we open our clean hearts wide enough. repenting is the only choice i have left now. i wish to not continue this life of hiding. i’m tired of  faking behind the mask. this is totally my fault, thinking that i know better than my parents, better than Allah. all i hope right now is that He’ll forgive me for my sins, i wish to be better by trying to be more “modest” – not worse. based on my experience, i’d definitely tell people that your clothes does not really define yourself, it might help for a while but if your heart says no, it won’t. only wear it once you are ready. only put on the burden when you are 100% sure that you are strong enough to carry it around with you. the two weeks of semester break will be my two weeks of building up my walls and shields back. people will start talking, might be mocking for my dumb decisions. but i wish to focus in my studies and that is the only thing i wish to achieve right now. this semester is about to end and i wish to start a new book next semester. i hope it will not be too late by then. i hope