They wondered about my poise, my grace,
They looked me in my eyes, told me they could never stand in my place,
Grabbed my hands, held me, and told me how much they loved my me,
And how my manner is how they wished to be
Because their heart ached,
But mine too did break.
The words they heard me say on stage,
Were words I wrote after my rage,
And I never even got to bother
With the words in my heart for my father
Because on paper the tears never came
Only numbness did remain.
But I could not bring myself to differ
From the words that I wrote, I felt my body got stiffer,
As I thought about my only feeling
My mind began its reeling
He was here then he was not,
And from that is where my woes are wrought.
I never said the words in my heart
My world was dim, my soul was dark,
Twice, my Lord, I beg of you why
I cursed the heavens, I screamed the sky
Because my heart could take no more
I sank on my knees down to the floor.
I’m sorry daddy, I want to say,
I let my talent rot away,
All my interests are dying or dead
Because I couldn’t get out of my head,
And I know you wouldn’t want me to live like this
But do you know what I miss?
I miss the times we gazed at stars
And you showed me Venus and showed me Mars,
I miss our time spent at the lake
Even though every five seconds I took a talking break,
I miss the jokes you shared with me
I miss the way things used to be.
And I’m so sorry daddy that I wasn’t there,
And I’m sorry I didn’t lay my soul bare
Because I was always too proud to cry
As if it would cause my circuits to fry
Or maybe because I never got over my brother
And then I lost another.
And I hope you know I loved you more
Than I could ever dare to explore.