Flushed skin
Sweaty palms
Pulsing veins
Shortened breaths

I need it

Open up the top drawer
tucked under the lipstick
there it is, in all its glory
mocking my weakness

I need it

The first cut is never the deepest
quite the opposite actually
The first cut is like a breath of air
after being held under water

I need it

One becomes two
two becomes twelve
and before I know it
I am sitting in a puddle of my own blood

What have I done....

Clean myself up
wash the stained t shirt
make it through another day
rinse and repeat.