If this verse were an object,
It would be both hard and soft.
The emotion I want to express
Is a painful paradox.
The light-hearted heaviness,
of both gain and loss.

The answer is not zero,
The answer is a cross.
And X marks the spot
Where gain met with loss.

And I found this X marked scar,
Across my crooked chest.
A mark of a dead heart,
Buried beneath my breast.

I did not know
This love was stillborn.
I swear, I didn’t know.
I only saw a bubble surface
And expected true love to grow.

You always knew my fetus heart
Was beatless, pulseless and miniscule.
Forgive me and my convictions,
I wasn’t trying to fool.

I feel both light and heavy.
I feel down and yet relieved.

I now see that my words were empty,
My gestures bland,
I hurt, humiliated and hunted you
Steering all, with my know it all hand.

I’ve been driving down this road alone,
Carrying carrion flesh,
Beneath my bones.

No reason for "if onlys"
But rather a heartfelt adieu,
Your insight was right.
I honestly did not have a clue.
I only said what I believed to be true.