I can do all but help you with your self inflicted schadenfreude mind...
..it's these days I barely muster strength and will enough to pardon myself from ill thoughts that provoke sadness...

still my thighs are chubby but have yet to fully throttle against one another
...aaahh the wavy thread of fat that gathers at the waist still evident as I try to find ways to camouflage....

another rising in my throat as I accustom myself to others self inflicting wounds...
....the phlegm and sadness finds it's way rising up to try to choke me

phlegm---like the water from the glass that trickles into the windpipe--- avoiding it's intended destination...
you know the one---the way it should help not hinder....
the way people should use kindness not splinter