How can you tell her,
''I love you!''
when you don't know
what love is?
How can you tell her,
''I want to see you!''
when you don't know
if you want to see her
or you are escaping
the frightening void within?

So you take the bottle
and empty all pills
on your palm.
It's the perfect time:
She won't be back any time soon
and you have enough time
to finish things clean
and you ask yourself,
''Do I want to do this?''
over and over
and hear no response
so you put the pills back
in the bottle
and think
''I do not even have the courage
to do this!''

And you decide to go to Java Monkey,
Sunday evening is the poetry night,
and you tell yourself
I am going to smoke
and finish every cigarette
on my skin.
Oh Lord!
How much I need the Lord
or anything
to that effect

They recite poems
and you float in your dreams
or rather nightmares
thousands of miles away
from anything
that can be characterized
as enjoyment.
Yeah, I am enjoying
my ******* life
mang!