Please just know that I wish things weren’t the way the are.
Actually, this may be my biggest issue in all honesty.
I unknowingly hide away
Keeping myself trapped in my head,
The events that changed my life and who I am
Are playing on repeat in my mind.
All I can do is sit in my head and scream.
I try to change things,
No matter how loud I am,
No matter how much will power or strength,
No matter how many sleepless nights I have.
No matter if I have cried an ocean of tears.
What happened is there still.
Just as it happened the very first time.
Just as it happens everytime.
There is nothing that changes,
Nothing I do now changes any of it.
That in itself is why I am who you see now.
Just stuck in the past,
Trying to fix the things I never could.
They say that the definition of insanity,
Is to do the same thing over and over,
Expecting different results.
If this is the case than I am afraid I am insane
I have been since 4 years ago this May.
The regret remains as the guilt eats away at my heart.
The anger still grips my soul.
I am just here stuck in my head.
Just stuck on repeat.
I just sitting here,
Trying to change what has already happened.
Waiting for a miracle to free me from my own head.
I need something to come and heal my soul.