I come home and my cats greet me
One, poor soul, has cancer
I give him his drugs, pills in the back of the throat
a spritz of water to help him wash it down
Pain lotion smoothed on his ear

I am not lonely
I walk through streets filled with couples
I work with people who are with someone
Always someone to text, to tell what their next move is
I watch, an anthropologist learning something
My patience is endless, I feel like a different species
I study faces at a bar
What is going on inside?
People tell so much by how they look

After divorce, I thought, being alone was the worst thing
Desperately, I went on dates, riding a roller coaster of my own making
As I got better, the dating stopped

Now I just watch.  
I still feel relief
as I walk through my own door
there is no one to rage at me
No one to insult me
No one to not be there when he's supposed to be
No unwelcome company
I left that eight years ago
And I still am so relieved to find only
animal faces, who only care about their next meal,
a drink of water, a warm bed

This work, reflecting on who I am
doing what I want, taking up the space of me
I should have done many years ago
but we do the best with what we have at the time
I can't look back and regret, I did what I thought was right

I am alone, but not lonely
I'm doing work.
Constructing a stronger foundation
that someday will welcome the close company
of another