Tonight was about shower beer as I listened to "Careful now" by Copeland and contemplated my existence. Tonight I though about the distance between her and I caused by states and our minds.

Tonight I thought of Bukowski and how he said to "find what you love and let it **** you". What if I love too much, too many, too far? what if what I love is a burned out star? What if I can't reach that far? what then will my death be?

Tonight was about my son, as I couldn't grasp the years gone past (most of which I've missed). Will I be forgiven for my absence? Does he know why his Daddy is gone? what can he sense? How will I be able to present a reasonable excuse? Will he do better than I? or will he too walk away from me (like I did to my dad), as is justified?

Tonight I thought.... A lot.