Sitting in this mind made cell
A slave to this hell
No one can tell
I am feeling unwell
I spent last week seeking help
No one understands the feelings i'v felt
I should be dealing with this myself
I can no longer deny its effecting my health
This is reflecting my wealth
In the end
I can no longer pretend
to handle this
mental scandal it
Breaks my mind
Like its been
smashed by a vandal


I'm Trashed everyday
In every way
Im high
And tomorrow will be the same
This game is insane
The way it takes away the pain
But at the same time
Creating ten fold
emotions that I buried
When i was nine years old
They try to unfold
So i keep it down with drugs and alcohol
This is like selling my soul
the highest bidder
wins
who Orders god to
smash the mold

Sometimes its like i never
Feel the cold
in this ice storm
To me its just the norm
Taking long walks
Across frozen lakes
Preying that the ice below my feet
Never breaks or shifts shape
For if that were the case
I may begin to loose face
My identity now a dying entity
becoming a waste of space
Disappearing without a trace
Im not sure how to own this pain
I face

as a human I was never taught
To draw conclusions
When emotional confusions
Cloud my mind
So i try to find any means to hide from this roller coaster ride
Getting high was always the easiest  lie to believe to get by
it closes me off from my inside
So i can try to live a normal life

Seems so easy to run away from the pain
Even tho i know that soon will come a day
when it won't go away
No matter how much i pay
to feed my escape
These emotions will escalate
No matter what i take
The feelings i create every time i
Self medicate Are fake
And never last
I can't keep running from my past
Its here to stay
Maybe one day il get out of my own way and deal with this pain
In a more sane way


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