I can't do this anymore. I've hit rock bottom many times before.  At that point I was ready to give up, but I worked so hard to get well, regain my strength and crawl straight out of my own personal hell. But once again I fell; I had thought I was past this. My life was much less horrific than it once was. The truth is that all good things must come to an end eventually. However this may be true, but I still can't believe that I am right back at the beginning when all I want to do is just finish. I am nothing but a shell of who I used to be, all because I let the demons inside of me. I've fallen into an endless dark hole of anxiety; I've sunken into an everlasting pool of depression. This seemingly worthless life of mine continues on, and I just keep falling farther and farther down this hole; Sinking deeper and deeper into this pool. What a fool I really am to have  believed that I could ever deserve the feeling of true happiness. Yeah I'm a tool that everyone uses to get what they want. I feel so overwhelmingly numb yet at the same time it's like everything  is coming at me all at once and I cant take it. I'm smiling so the people around me don't ask questions, I'm lying when they ask me questions so they don't feel the need to ask more questions, and at one point I was actually trying because I didn't want anyone to feel hurt, but now I'm dying inside and I can not hide behind these smiles full of little white lies.