The words swelled and I saw you / struggling that night / to keep them in
Your open mouth interrupted / the thoughts ebbing / pulled your lips closed
on the vacuum of the words that just vacated.
I had suspicions, and best left them / but it hurts me to see you, choking like this.
The words swelled up inside your mouth / begging, threatening,
Threatened all night to spill over your lips, and pour onto me.
I couldn’t watch you struggle to contain them any longer.
I gave you permission, and so you allowed yourself
And out came the words, sticky and plastic,
Dribbling out of your lips and into my ears
I wasn’t expecting them.
But they didn’t hurt.
I listened and tried to follow and found the symphony unfamiliar
Like an improvised song, turns happened unexpectedly
Parts of notes I’d anticipated would elsewhere skip place
I thought I knew this song; I didn’t know it at all.
My face is wet. But for once I’m not crying.
I feel the weight of the words trickle in broken stream, down my forehead, along my brows
Pooling at the edge of my face before bouncing off my eyelashes, on their way to my lips.
When they get there I can’t help but repeat them / your words, for myself
I have no words to offer you
I am flattered by the gift
I know that can be maddening.
I am too tired, have done too much, today, to deal
So I stay strong and swallowing, the taste of the statement slightly sweet
The sounded-out syllables dry on my lips
The bulk of them trapped in the back of my throat.
I tell you I’m strong, can be patient, can handle it
That I can as I have, keep good face and control myself
To not act with biases and to maintain control.
You insist you promise, this time you can do it
Just trust you, you’ll keep us protected you promise
Too tired, too desperate, (to believe it) / I believe you
No sooner placing that trust in your hands than it sprawled on the floor
In the tangle of all that followed / when I leaned back without its weight
The words spilled from your lips, and I caught them, as best I could
But you didn’t offer me a raincoat, or think of my feelings
So now I am cold, and wet. I just want to be warm.
Given the circumstances, this thing I can demand from you.