Honesty comes from the soul,
I just don’t know what my soul looks like anymore,
It used to be coloured with dreams of a future filled with ambition and desire,
Now it seems to be left in confusion and longing,
I’m craving the innocence of youth,
I’m twenty-something and I don’t know what I have to show for it,
I’m scared of hitting thirty-something and still being stuck in the same place,
I wish I knew what that one step forward looks like,
I wish I could recognise when I’ve made the one step forward so I don’t end up making the two steps back,
Dreams used to be something to look forward to,
Now they seem like something I escape reality from,
Intimacy used to be a constant comfort,
Freely given and warmly held,
Now its fleeting, a ghost lingering in the background,
Some days I remember how to smile,
I can even convince myself for a few moments that it’s real,
I could win an Oscar and show the great how it’s done,
If only I knew how to convince the man in the mirror it’ll all be ok,
He’s starring right back at me and all I can do is fight back the urge not to let the tear drop,
Each day I convince myself it’ll be different,
That I’ll do something to make it better,
Maybe this is the start,
Maybe this is the finish,
What I do know is that I no longer want to reach it first,
Because being first means being alone,
I want to reach the line with someone hand-in-hand,
I want to remember that feeling of completeness,
Of nothingness when there is no-one else in the world but you,
That everything else is just background noise,
An echo in the chamber of your beautiful smile,
I’m holding onto that thought,
Convincing myself my moment will come,
Hoping that hope is more than empty faith,
That my belief will be enough to find happiness and joy,
The learning is in the journey,
In the lessons learnt the hard way,
I wish I knew the easy way sometimes,
I wish I had the choice of which way to do it,
I wish I knew I’ll be able to find the other side without falling into the rushing waves,
Their tsunami seems like an inevitable doom,
Despite it all I still believe,
Time seems to be fading away quicker and quicker each day,
All the time in the world might not be enough,
But all it takes is that simple moment,
Where the stars align and I’ll look upon your eyes,
I’ll find myself lost,
In a world where nothing else matters but the touch of your hand,
The taste of your lips,
The smell of your hair,
It’s what I’m working for,
Even if I don’t know what it looks like anymore,
This is my story,
These are my hopes and my fears,
This is my reality and my dream world,
We’ll see which one becomes true.