I am a walking disease. I am angry and hateful and full of sharpened spite and I may never forgive you. I want to hurt you but that means hurting me, too. It just takes longer for me to feel it.  (All good things take time.) I wish I wasn't like this. I wish I was a happier, nicer, more loving person. I wish I wasn't so ****** in denial. I hate myself and I hate you. I am rotting. I am killing my soul. Yes, I have one. YES, god is real. Yes, YEs, YES. SHUT THE **** UP already. Hit me so I can hit you. Feel it so I don't have to. I wish I was different.  I wish I was dead. Don't help me up.