One summer I was
So out of shape that
I decided to run
With my little sister. She was on
The cross-country team.
I always told myself
I could beat her. I mean
She’s younger than me.
The first day she dragged me
Out of bed I couldn’t feel
My legs. There were creases
On my calves from the dusty sheets
Of the bottom bunk. I tripped
On my laptop trying to find my shoes.
I realized she didn’t
Wear shorts that often. The muscles
Beneath her skin smirked at me
While I fumbled with my laces. Her hair
Was in a high ponytail, pulling
At her cheekbones.
We jogged out of the driveway.

I had to clean out the back room when
I decided to skip class. There was so much
Random **** it made my head spin.
Hours consisted of me choking
On dirt and throwing away boxes.
The cardboard reminded me of
Moving day and how we all slept on the floor but
She left her canopy still hanging when we
Drove away for the last time.
I found a drawer full
Of paintings. None of them finished,
All of them signed.

I didn’t even know she could
Write until I found a journal in my
Hockey bag. Blue leather, full of stains.
Words I don’t think I would’ve
Noticed coming from someone else’s
Hands.
I left it on the locker room bench, open
  
We went cliff jumping and
I trembled at the edge with my
Heartbeat in my mouth
The water wasn’t liquid it was
Made of welkin stone
I couldn’t find my voice and my pulse was
Way too high
She leapt from above me without
Looking down