I stood in the field fidgeting with
My dress there was a blue stain on
My sleeve
I rubbed at it while they
Carried him by and wanted to laugh because
My uncles were making silly faces their
Eyes were big and red like the
Horn on my old bike my
Mom grabbed my wrist and
Forced a rose into my palm I
Wanted to keep it for myself but
Everyone around me threw theirs down black
Ghouls staining the morning sobbing
Staring at
The ground, each with a different reason that
“It’s really not his fault”
My father never gave me flowers he never
Even tucked me in but I
Remember hoping that the thorns would
Wake him up as I
Let go

I stalked through the gray hallway with my
Books close to my chest
A hauberk for the rumors and the
Guesses that they made I
Slammed her head into the locker when she
Looked up and saw me sob it’s just I
Didn’t want to tell her that
There was so much ******* blood
It soaked into the hours that I
Just stared at the wall
Hoping someone would just ask me
So I could
Keep lying to myself

I don’t know how to write about
All the things I wish.
I am
Ashamed to want to know him I am
Furious and cold
I don’t know how to love only to
Throw myself away
And I know that when I meet him I will
Want my flower back