Sometimes she wished
The little things would **** her
All the risks of
Surgery, skin cancer, and stupidity
Carried no weight
For she wanted so badly for
The little things to **** her.

She caught herself daydreaming
Of the possibility that today
Would never lead to another tomorrow
That way the little things -
The sudden and accidental car crash,
The one in a million lightning bolt,
The simple but fatal misdiagnosis
Could rescue her.

For her, death was not to be feared.
How could it possibly be worse
Than the concept of life -
Waking each day hopeful
Going to bed each night disappointed -
Disappointed in herself for failing
To outrun the bitter criticism
She imposed on herself.

So cowardly.
So weak.
So broken.

Pathetic.

And so she kept wishing
For the little things,
Hopeful
That they'd save her from
The bigger things:
Her regrets, her failures, her emptiness
But as always
She was disappointed.