i once had a teacher named jillian
she was in her 30s
a sweet, positive angel
a wise and encouraging photo teacher
on march 2nd
she tied a noose to the classroom ceiling
and hung herself
within a few hours she was pronounced dead
an advocate against suicide
an advocate to end stigma against depression and anxiety
she told us her dad got a gun
and shot himself in the head
she never wanted us to feel alone
to feel that life was a dead end
she never wanted us to follow her father's footsteps
but she did
and i sit in bed 3 years later
wondering if i will suffer my whole life like my father
or debating if should
take this
knife
to my
wrist
deep and
wide
and
quiet
my
mind