i lay here and i think
and i think
and my mind spins and
whirls out of control-
wishing for sleep.
wishing for the power to sleep.

but my mind is too crazy;
my thoughts too heavy.
they occupy my mind 24/7
but they get louder at night
when everything's quiet
and i'm alone with myself.

as the night rolls on
and no sleep comes
the feeling of my presence becomes too much.

i am too much
my mind is too much.
i feel my thoughts spread,
spread from a tiny blossom in my brain
which becomes the roots
of which they intertwine and grow
until they're beyond my head.
they fill my room and they become too much.
i am too aware of them,
too aware that they are calling me to them
to process them, to deal with them-
but all i want is sleep.

i get angry, and i feel crazy,
and i toss and
i turn and i want to scream
"get out of my head and let me rest!"
but i know they will never leave,
they are a part of me.

for some people,
sleep comes easy-
they shut their eyes
and they're out for the night.
for me it is a process,
an endless torturous process.

a process, procedure;
a method.
a method that i try to figure out.
try to dissect,
find my way around.

but every night it changes,
and it's never quite the same.
there's no simple rule,
no simple cure.

there is no around,
there is only through.

so i wait out the night,
i wait out the thoughts,
until they run their course
and let me drift off.

i can't create the power to sleep,
i must let the sleep come to me.