There's this war within me.
I thought once I learned the truth that it would set me free somehow.
But it has created this bubbling of emotions that want to explode; like a shaken bottle of pop. I closed the lid tight afraid the explosion might **** me like an erupting volcano.
When I breathe a little I know that my fears are just in my head.
My brain likes to remind though that as a child the monster wasn't hiding under my bed but in my bed cozying up to me.
Like a wolf in sheep's clothing.
So how do I trust anyone?
How do I trust myself?
I've been deceived before.
The negative committee in my head likes to tell me I was stupid & naive, that it's all my fault.
But who blames a child for an adults abuse?
That's Not a child's responsibility... ever.
I was always taught to listen to my elders.
I was a very obedient child.
What happens when the people who are suppose to teach you about your worth betray you and use you like you worthless?
I'm not a little girl anymore.
But at times I feel like one,
paralyzed with confusion.
Turns out I'm actually not crazy.
But a lot of crazy things have happened to me.
I'm a survivor.
I'm one of the lucky ones.
Yet I don't feel lucky.
I pray for your peace.
It takes a very broken person to be a monster to a child.
Even if you started this whole war within me.
I still pray for your peace.