It’s been a while
He nods, eyes still firmly locked on the ground
Pointedly not meeting mine
I mean since we talked last
I’ve seen him often enough
Everyday like a **** knife in the gut
It really doesn’t have to be this hard you know
I lie through gritted teeth
Because even being near him now
I’ve begun to drown in his **** magnetic pull
My chest constricting in panic
As I realize I’m being pulled in again
He raises his head and his eyes are like hot pokers
****** deep into my soul
I stumble a bit
And he mistakes it for my usual clumsiness
Missing how much the sadness, I see
Buried in his hazel orbs, hurts me
Why?
The word takes me by surprise
As does the haunted aspect of his voice
Why him and not me?
I can tell how long he’s held onto these words
In the desperate rasp that takes over his usually smooth tone
I’ve been asking myself the very same question
Why did I choose him?
Was it to hold my hand
Or to hold my hand in the flame
I don’t know
He looks down again
Unsatisfied and hurting, just as before
I wish so badly I could save him
And halt the pain
But I tear through his life like a wrecking ball
As he burns up my world with his ever present pull
Destroying any peace I might find
I loved you
In the pause are all the things we’ve never talked of
The heaviness of his unspoken words hangs
Thickening the air
‘Til I can hardly breathe
My chest is tight and my heart aches
As it pounds away dully
Too tired to race at his declaration of affection long past
Too tired of his rollercoaster drama
We wouldn’t have burned out like that
I sighed hearing my fears confirmed in his deep timbre
We could have had something, something special
He was the better choice, I was wrong
This whole time I was wrong
As I've known all along
I’m sorry*
I feel his eyes on my back as I leave
Everything else still unspoken
But somehow clear to both of us
The pain of being near has taken its toll
And I stumble as I turn the corner
Tears already pricking at the corners of my eyes
I turn to see if he saw
But he’s gone already
Always gone