Dear God,

I wish you had heard me when my wispy young whimpering wove through your whimsical cloud bed.

My daddy always said that you kissed us through that window pane rainbow
But when I looked, a dog was howling at its reflection

The body always told me I grew in your hand.
I knew that was wrong when I learned the word Photosynthesis

How else have you hurt O forgiving, merciful, powerful God?

I watch time and health pass and spent my hours
writing of the taste of my tears as the deceased form lists
on my google documents page,
and the boy who died on my lips compels me to realign the words in my thoughts

Do you remember the times I went to church and they sang:

You're the God of this city
You're the King of these people
You're the Lord of this nation
You Are

You're the light in this darkness
You're the hope to the hopeless
You're the peace to the restless
You are


I'm pretty sure Ive been darkness, hopeless, restless
Daddy's money river running dry
your supposed to grip the closest door frame in an earthquake
but they aren’t so stable, they open for intruders
not just the burglars looking for my great Granny's charm bracelet
the unselected few who stroll in ready to steal the charm of the place you grew up
because that green river needs reviving

And so Mama’s Messiah

your demeanour was once eclipsed by the beauty of my wide-eyed virginity
Every day I thirst for the splish splash way I prayed at three

Dear Jesus, please forgive me and come live in my heart

Well dear Jesus, please open the eyes of my grandmother
the weak blue-gray circles look down at me while looking up at me

because I threw my halo
in coffee and swear words and tights with freshly ripped crotches

I was raised with you as my ultimate father
and though my real father and mother never left me alone
You, my ultimate unwelcoming father

Are nothing to me.