staring down the barrel of my '***'
what the **** is that

no more dissociative a drug than alcohol
If I were sipping Moll-mawm-Moll surely I
would hug a ******* and somebody I cared about
then ******* to sleep

but here I am
deep in the tub
thinking about how little I'd care if someone
with no regard
for
me
came and snatched my autonomy agency
I'd not care til later
bleeding all over the floor
sick at my own body
who cares
who cares
I care but not right now I don't care

someone almost took that once
they were so close
they could have
I rolled my tights back up
good on me me drunk me
deciding whether or not my body mattered
I shouldn't be left to decide if my body matters

Fly caughtinna web of this culture maybe
probably
I don't leave the house to ****
I wish my own ****** desecration were'n't half so ******
it's not
to a functioning me
but when am I gonna get that luxury


I'm scared of me