I write because of you.
I wanted to die because of you.
I begged you to take me with you
Many a drunken night in the bathroom floor,
While pain slipped from my wrists,
But it was just another failed attempt.

Im not as brave as you.
I couldnt go all the way like you.
I know I failed you, but you left me here in this miserable place,
With the bitter taste,
Of the biggest mistake,
Of walking away,
When u obviously needed me to be there for you.

I knew you were in pain,
I know ur mother walked away
I know ur brother illuminated the way.
I know your dad couldnt give you a place to stay.
I did though,

I loved you more than anything
You were my best friend
We have endless memories

I still hear your laugh...

You never acted like it was so bad.
You never displayed the traditional red flags.
No cutting
No crying
No pity pleas
No whining.
Where did this come from?
You didnt even give me a warning.

I heard from mutual friends
You were on a bridge.
Im convinced you were murdered, by a stranger who looked like you,
claimed to be you,
Someone I never met.

He took your life that night.
He jumped because the guy I know would never do that ....
Right?

I couldnt believe it was true
It couldnt be you
Until I had to face the truth
I sat at a strangers funeral
While your father cried on my shoulder
For a guy we didnt even know.

But when I picked up the phone to tell you I saw your dad today
You didnt answer me
When I called you to ask you why you werent there
You let it go to voicemail
But when I called to tell you I was afraid to look in the casket
And your voicemail was full
I realized Id never hear your voice again....
The rest of my life
It hit me.
That I didnt think of my life....
How it would be...

Every day was harder than the last
Because the memories of you started to fade fast
I couldnt remember your voice

But I can still hear your laugh.

Its been 5 years since the coldest December Ive ever felt.
The ice on my heart I thought would never melt.
I will never stop missing you
Or wishing you
Could be here just one more day

One more hug,
One more chance
One more ..one more .... just one more second
But I have to accept it
Theres no more one mores

Its over and time doesnt rewind
It the only thing that keeps me alive....
Knowing that once youre gone youre gone
And theres no way to change your mind.

Sometimes we dont notice depression
The warning signs are transparent
Some smile on the outside
The cry for help disguised
They don't show any signs of being sad....

I can still hear his laugh.