I waited until I knew she was gone,
the whole time checking behind me.
I went up the stairs in silence,
I knew she'd let me be.
I got to the top and there it was,
the horrible bathroom door.
I went inside and locked it,
and then sank down to the floor.
I turned on the water,
I knew it would drown out the sound.
Sticking my finger down my throat,
my head was spinning around.
I held onto the seat,
then came the tears.
I looked at who I'd become,
someone that I feared.
I felt like such a failure,
tears streamed down my face.
I'd disappeared slowly,
and I was gone without a trace.
I'd wished for help all the time,
but what was I to do?
I was the one that had made this choice,
it was this I'd put myself through.
I flushed my sorrows down,
and turned to face the sink.
I grabbed the bottle of mouthwash,
and took a shameful drink.
My mom knocked at the door,
my heart began to race.
I turned the water back on,
and started to wash my face.
"I'm busy right now" I started to say,
I knew she wouldn't ask why.
I told her I was taking my makeup off,
hoping she'd believed my lie.
I finally came out,
I was weak and tired and ready to sleep.
I wanted to hide my secret from the world,
bury it really deep.
I got in my bed,
and turned off the light.
I closed my eyes,
and tried to sleep through the night.
The next day came again,
I finally was awake.
I put on another smile,
the one I had to fake.
The day went well,
until I locked the bathroom door.
Where once again like always,
I would sink to the bathroom floor.