The haunting Lacrimosa song
Pulls at my cold, black heart,
And I know something’s wrong
I shouldn’t react this way to something as beautiful as Mozart
I should be happy
But for some reason my good emotions fail me
And the only thing I feel is an empty
Space filled with desolation
Loneliness
A thousand silent screams
A black river of unshed tears
And a ****** mountain of shattered dreams
The music makes my body sway
Of its own, I hold no control.
I hold only one thought
One repetitive thought:
I. Want. It. To. End.
I want to end it all.
My breathing becomes labored,
I fear something is broken.
The demons within me become restless,
Tearing my heart and soul open
Rendering me incapable of speech
As this new pain takes over.
I wish I could reach
The place where I am stronger
But all I am now is weak
The violin speaks
But I cannot hear
My thoughts are too loud
No, not thoughts, dear
But screams,
Wails,
Lightening from a black cloud.
Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata now plays…
Ironic isn’t it?
For though it is daylight
It is eternal night
In my dark soul…
Oh will you hold me
As I cry my heart into healing?
What healing?
The healing that exists for all broken souls but mine.
The healing that is said to be brought about by time.
Oh how they lied to me
Because that precious healing evades me
The deep sounds of a cello
Reverberate in my dark, dark soul.
May I borrow
Your smile
To hide the gaping hole
In mine?
May I borrow
Your strength and happiness
One last time?
For I feel mine are drained away
And I am not sure if I can last another day
The concerto ends
But the pain does not.
I feel like I should die…
If I die, will the pain end?
Or will it follow me
Into the next life?
If I die, will you mourn me?
Would you say you wish you had saved me?
If I die, will I have peace?
Forgive me, if I disturb you with thoughts of my death,
I only yearn for this pain to cease.