I have given up on the days that fade together, with a hazy blur of smoke in my lungs. But maybe that is what you enjoy about me-
that I am not like most girls.
But I want you to care for me
I want you to ache for me.
I want to know I am the only person on your mind at three AM,
while the blinds are closed and you are wrapped in blankets to protect you;
I want to protect you from Her, and the memories that come flooding back when ever you kiss me. I want to protect you from the voices that tell you to end it all,
Because if one girl didn't love you like someone should- then no one will.
But you don't see that I care, and I miss you when I am in your arms and I miss you when we are apart.
But you don't see me as myself- you see me as Her.
You get scared when we hold hands because the nicks and cranny's around my finger tips are just like Her's.

I want to move on from the days, while we sit in the school parking lot with the  "Burn Outs", and we smoke until we can't think straight.
I want to move on from the days where we both feel like nicotine is the only way to feel slightly alive.

I want to move on to the days that are filled with laying in white sheets with you beside me.
I want to move onto the days where we sit on the dock and fish (even though we know we wont catch a single fish)
I want to move onto the days where it is just you and me.

But until then I will destroy my lungs with smoke until I feel the buzz of my mind fading and my vision blurring-
Because that hazy feeling is the only thing I know.