Who has infected me with this disease?
Who has injected me with this poison?
With delusional perceptions of reality?
Was it god or some other supernatural enigma?
Was it a combination of drug use and genetics?
I'm guessing it was the latter
that filled my thoughts with blood spatter.
Although that would be the conclusion of the rational man,
one who embraces science and rejects god's plan.

I've never been a man of science,
rather I'm a man of silence who rejects unquestioning compliance.
Was it this defiance that broke my mind?
Broke my surety and will to survive?  
I'm struggling to sort false thoughts from the truth,
struggling even harder to find the root,
the cause of all my anguish and strife,
Cyclical thoughts that keep me up at night.

Who showed me these sadistic patterns?
Who gouged me with the blade of anxiety?
Am I suffering for the sins of my ancestors?
Do I seek vengeance upon myself?
These are questions that have no answers.
Still I ask them repetitively  
and smile back at myself devilishly.  
There's no hope for me but you can save yourselves,
Grow your own food and abandon the oil wells.
Conserve your energy and your water,
then maybe there'll be hope for your sons and daughters.