You always told me not to call you 'Christopher'
"I mean it," you'd say.
"Don't call me."
And I would laugh because I was almost four years old and you and me and our brother were the closest that siblings could get.
A lot of things happened back then that I cannot recall.
But I do recall the bruises.
I recall the screams and the sound of the blood making pools on the floor for a trophy to the woman who won the match.
I remember the bad times more than the good times.
More than the times you would sit with me and brother at the basement window to stare at the stars and listen to his sappy poems.
More than the times we would kick the ball back and forth on the cold, concrete floor of our basement.
More than the times I would climb in your bed and make you sit up with me because I could no longer sleep at night.

A year later we lost our brother.
We watched his feet dangle just inches above the floor,
pondering how in the world he got up there...
And why wasn't he moving?
It's surprising how surprised we are by death.
It's as if 'death' was only a myth, agape in the shadows
hiding on the brink of the forest's edge
Lingering there and waiting for its chance to pounce...
And when it did,
When death decided to leap from it's metaphorical hiding place
We watched.
We wept.
We withered.

After losing him, you took his place as 'the sappy poem writer'
We remembered him by sitting up in the darkest of nights and watching the stars.
And one day, as we pointed out the stories in the sky
You began to recite this poem:

"Have you ever seen a star so bright,
The guide of men, so wise,
To die and lose it's brightened heart,
Before your very eyes."

Back then, I couldn't tell you what I wish I could tell you now.

From day one, all we did was fight.
Now all I do is fight back my tears.
I wanted to do everything you did,
Because I wanted to be just like you.
Now I sit here wondering what to do,
Because there's no one to replace you.
I never did tell you all the things I felt,
Like how much I really did love you.
I wish we could go back and start over again.
I don't want to be alone.
I need my brother.
I need my best friend.
It's sad that you left without saying goodbye.
But just remember, we all love you.
You did so much for me,
as I didn't do much for you.
I hope you will forgive me,
For all the things I didn't do.
You were my brother.
My best friend.
I will always love you.
No matter how many days its been,
since your life came to an end.

I remember the bad times more than the good times.
But the good times aren't just remembered.
They are cherished.