Enrich me

I need to be enriched on a Tuesday afternoon

I may begin to lose my grip if it doesn’t happen soon

The drama club was my first choice, little actresses and actors

But clearly I was overlooking certain other factors

They all think they’re DeNiro, Kiera Knightly, Judy Dench

But they’re so bad that all they do is make my buttocks clench

They constantly repeat themselves digging ever deeper

It’s a shame they have the acting talent of a railway sleeper

There is so much over acting, extra cheese with all the ham

But they like all the attention so no one gives a ****

The play’s a melodrama, a very moving tome

But I’m only moved to tears because I’m desperate to go home

I just have to tolerate it for a few more painful weeks

Despite the fact it grates on me each time one of them speaks

A soon as they perform I’ll be free of these woodentops

I’m actually counting down the minutes til this torture stops

I am so bored of hearing about Maria Marten dying

At least when she takes her last breath, I can finally stop the lying

Yes you heard me, all this time; I’ve lied just like a pro

I’ve told each and every child in here they’re vital to the show

I’ve told them their performances will make their parents proud

Despite knowing that their only talent is in being loud

There’s no way I could tell the truth, I won’t crush all their dreams

I know they’ll all learn soon enough that life isn’t what it seems

What sort of teacher would I be to tell them that they’re crap

To say their acting talent won’t ever put them on the map

To tell them that they have more chance of flying to the moon

Than of picking up a golden Oscar statue sometime soon

So I shall grit my teeth and paste the smile back on my face

And pretend that I’m in rapture at their lack of skill and grace

I shall say congratulations every night that they perform

And I’ll stand and clap for each of them until my hands are warm

I’ll do this all but don’t be fooled I really won’t enjoy it

I’ll be seething all resentfully as through each show I sit

I will forbear for two more weeks, just fourteen days of pain

And then I’m never coming near this drama club again

Next time I’ll pick more wisely, think more clearly before choosing

Or I suspect it’s more than sanity that I’ll be loosing

My grip on that is tenuous to say the very least

And working with these divas has woken up my inner beast

I think I’ll try a nice relaxing book or homework club

Or perhaps I’ll save us all the stress and just go down the pub

Yes… that’s what I’ll do

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