But did i? I'm not so sure, Though I cannot tell whether I did this to myself or if I was placed here by genetics or if it was outside influences or a little of each. All I know is this is where I am and I Want to need to have to must leave. What will I do if I can't? How can I stay in this dark place where I have been stuck, forced to live in silence and pain and struggle each day? Every. Day. I do not know How I became this way, So severely ****** up. I am cold, because of my problems. I am gray, because of my problems. I do not glow. I am yellow. I am red. I am striped like a brown zebra. That is my fault. It is all my fault. I let myself become this monster and now I am under the bed, socializing with the other monsters and I cannot leave, they won't let me leave. I am stuck. Stuck in the dark under the bed with the other monsters. They tear me apart and I help them. Slowly, slowly, ever so slowly, I **** myself. Which is worse? killing yourself in one swift move, or doing it ever so slowly over a lifetime?