Aug 2017
for the longest time I'd convinced myself
that I was in love with you.
you gave me butterflies. sent chills down my spine.
I smiled whenever I heard your name.
you made me laugh at the most juvenile things and set me off at the drop of a dime.
I felt goosebumps whenever I heard you speak my name.
the sound of your voice was like music to my ears.
but then I had to sit back and ask myself...was I really in love with YOU.. or the person that I wanted and created you to be?
I believe that almost everyone has potential. and that's exactly what attracted me to you: your potential.
you tried to put on this act, this front as being some type of "bad boy" to attract girls.
to your surprise, the act didn't impress me.
I wasn't impressed by your cocky attitude or your arrogant ways.
and it seemed as if you knew that & it only made you try that much harder. but I saw past your little charade.
and saw the charm and decency within you.
from then on it was as if you had cast this spell over me.
you had finally lured me into your trap of hoes.
only..it wasn't just your doing. it was mostly my own.
I led myself into thinking you were this caring, down to earth & gentle soul. that you truly cared and were invested in feelings that were not your own.
ignoring all of the signs and red flags of your major ego and narcissistic ways, I stood up for you & defended you.
time and time again.
was this really love? was I actually in love with you? I always denied it to others, but could never really answer to myself.
as time progressed & I got to see more of you, the real you, I began to slowly realize & understand that everything I had thought you to be, was just my imagination.
things changed. arguments were had. and the magic was gone.
there were no more butterflies. no more smiles. no more laughter at the juvenile things.
and now when I got chills, they weren't a good feeling.
I began to question & wonder just exactly who you really were. I questioned why I wasn't goof enough..
what was so wrong with me? why didn't you want to be with me? I can do more for you than any of your ******* ever could.
I had this mindset for years. and then when you left for SC, you took a piece of my heart with you.
because even then I STILL had hopes that maybe we could be.
you see, I thought to myself, that maybe you would see the error of your ways and would want to make amends.
that maybe you would realize what you had been missing out on.
but that fairytale quickly died.
you see, they always warn you about the dangers of falling in love, but never about the dangers of falling for the potential.
that **** is just as bad.
and sometimes even harder to recover from.
falling in love ***** with your heart, but falling for potential ***** with your mental.
that I was in love with you.
you gave me butterflies. sent chills down my spine.
I smiled whenever I heard your name.
you made me laugh at the most juvenile things and set me off at the drop of a dime.
I felt goosebumps whenever I heard you speak my name.
the sound of your voice was like music to my ears.
but then I had to sit back and ask myself...was I really in love with YOU.. or the person that I wanted and created you to be?
I believe that almost everyone has potential. and that's exactly what attracted me to you: your potential.
you tried to put on this act, this front as being some type of "bad boy" to attract girls.
to your surprise, the act didn't impress me.
I wasn't impressed by your cocky attitude or your arrogant ways.
and it seemed as if you knew that & it only made you try that much harder. but I saw past your little charade.
and saw the charm and decency within you.
from then on it was as if you had cast this spell over me.
you had finally lured me into your trap of hoes.
only..it wasn't just your doing. it was mostly my own.
I led myself into thinking you were this caring, down to earth & gentle soul. that you truly cared and were invested in feelings that were not your own.
ignoring all of the signs and red flags of your major ego and narcissistic ways, I stood up for you & defended you.
time and time again.
was this really love? was I actually in love with you? I always denied it to others, but could never really answer to myself.
as time progressed & I got to see more of you, the real you, I began to slowly realize & understand that everything I had thought you to be, was just my imagination.
things changed. arguments were had. and the magic was gone.
there were no more butterflies. no more smiles. no more laughter at the juvenile things.
and now when I got chills, they weren't a good feeling.
I began to question & wonder just exactly who you really were. I questioned why I wasn't goof enough..
what was so wrong with me? why didn't you want to be with me? I can do more for you than any of your ******* ever could.
I had this mindset for years. and then when you left for SC, you took a piece of my heart with you.
because even then I STILL had hopes that maybe we could be.
you see, I thought to myself, that maybe you would see the error of your ways and would want to make amends.
that maybe you would realize what you had been missing out on.
but that fairytale quickly died.
you see, they always warn you about the dangers of falling in love, but never about the dangers of falling for the potential.
that **** is just as bad.
and sometimes even harder to recover from.
falling in love ***** with your heart, but falling for potential ***** with your mental.
