I'm feeling so empty
Hollowed out pumpkin with a nice expression
My thoughts are not lengthy
I can't think a thought for ten seconds

Everything is so black and white.
Nothing shines like it sometimes does.
Mood swings occupy my life.
Give me back my endorphin buzz.

The only vast array I can see
Out of the thousands to choose from
Is the memories I have of times I chose to be
Selfish, hurtful, jealous, and dumb.

The prospects don't look good,
All of my successes don't really matter.
I've either helped random people once
Or given everything to people who's love I've shattered

Whoever wants me won't for long,
And whoever I want has to have too much
But I can't stop imagining things that
I'd want if I ever really find love.

People feel bad for me,
They make those puffy lip frowning faces,
People pretend to like me and play
That awkward fake love game
Then forget they played it.

If it's all just pity love,
Or comic relief, or obligation,
Would it not make sense to find enough to keep hanging on within isolation?

Am I a burden to you?
Or did we not get there yet?
Every time you waste your life paying attention to me, does it then feel like regret?

Can you stop feeling bad for me?
Or am I just too pathetic?
Is all this poetry a cry for help,
stress relief, or a special weapon

Made to keep you away from me?
I don't care, you decide.
I'm done acting like I know what I don't
And masking my emotions with what's left of my pride.

Should I even build a career?
Or will that be another mess?
Should I keep grasping for more from life
Or just go on in sorrow and try protect all that I have left?

I can't control my moods at all,
I can't control my feelings for women.
If I could stop hurting people and wasting their time for the cost of my happiness, it'd be a quick decision.

I love people so much,
I hope they're all better of then me.
I want to go drown in love,
But I don't find it easily.

My love for people is a poison,
Other people's love is the antidote.
And every one of my poems says I'm poisonous
Because that's one of the bad thoughts I can't let go.

In my dreams, the people I've hurt forgive me,
They talk to me and care about me.
Those are all of my wildest dreams
Because nobody's come back because I'm incredibly lousy.

When it's dark I hide away,
There's never been enough to make me quit, yet.
But if I ever do get to that point,
I'll be glad I saved more people from getting wet.

I love crowded beaches,
I love concerts and video games
I hope people are always united on a micro scale,
And everyone loves with no shame.