Because in all honesty, if you would consider, even for a minute, my being, I would stop in my tracks. Stop in my tracks and go back every step of the way. I would run back through storms and hurricanes, through all the hurt and problems. I would make my way back.

If you would turn around and tell me, message me, I would find a way to get back home to you. If you would shout it to the universe, I’m confident I would find out and run back into your arms. I would somehow realize and come back.
I would find out, and I wouldn’t doubt for a minute.

I wouldn’t doubt for a second.

I wouldn’t doubt at all.

I would take that aeroplane back. I would take a boat, bus, horse or whatever to get back home to you. Because for me you are home, when you are who you are, it feels right. And I might be a sap , because I would fly to the ends of the earth for a glimmer or even a millisecond of us, but so be it. I would do anything for the experience of this feeling being reciprocated. For the knowledge that what I thought we had was not my imagination or my desperate need for a man. No, if you would turn around and face me to tell me it was me, I would not doubt.
Because for me it is you. I would fly back for that. For your small talk, our fights, our shared looks, our shared smiles. For the feeling of your hand on my back, for the feeling of your lips on mine. Because as far as I can see, that was what was meant to happen. You were supposed to hug me goodbye. I was supposed to hang on, you would deepen the hug. I would bury my head in the crook of your neck and you were supposed to push me against a wall and kiss me. But then I would have to leave but at least I would have my answer because you did something.

Except you didn’t.

Except you didn’t, and I got a weird one-armed hug and an awkward conversation that I still can’t really understand. Now I still don’t know, and I hate myself for not telling, not asking. I hate myself for all the time that has passed.

But during all the time I was waiting, am waiting, I understood one thing. One simple thing.

I love you, and will love you for a long time. And if you would ever tell me you missed me and loved me too, I would honestly take the next flight over. I would land and kiss you senseless, regardless of the fact that you were supposed to make the first move. Regardless of the fact that I like my men dominant.
This is the truth. If you would honestly tell me you loved me all that time, I would.

Because I would jump at the chance to

be with you

And I’m not ashamed to admit it.