growing up isn't very helpful, when it comes down to it. when i was quite little, i loved staring up at the sky. it fascinated me. the way the darker it got, the more stars would appear. they'd almost always be there, every time i awoke from a bad dream and ran to the window, every time the sunshine just wasn't enough, every time i  just needed reassurance they hadn't gone anywhere. but before the age of five, i don't have a single memory of a clouded night. thirteen years later from five, i am still just a girl. looking for comfort, stability, sleep, and respect. for this, i yearn for you. someone to jump with, arms outstretched, fingertips reaching to the heavens without a clue of what could be up there. grasping for who knows what and our wishes have been enveloped by ***** of fire light years away; and there's feeling that there is, there constantly will be, something more, something bigger, something we yearn for but are so mortified to have. i live with the constant feeling of having something to say but knowing it's the wrong time for the clumsy words to leave my lips. maybe that's why i started writing.