Letter to God

Dear God,
I have been crying a lot lately.
I don’t know why
But I’d like to make some changes in my life.
I’d like to be happy, God.
I know I don’t come to you for much,
But I feel like there’s no other way out of this overwhelming depression
I feel every day.
I don’t want to push others away anymore;
I want to do things for myself and others
Without feeling like I’m being rushed into growing up.
I don’t know what the plan is, God,
Or however they refer to life as
But we need to get on it.
I know you won’t answer,
But I’d like to know why you took Jack.
I hope he’s happy up there. We really miss him.

Please do not take anyone else. Don’t take my daddy from me.
I need him more than ever right now.
Help him to stop smoking. He can’t use cigarettes as a stress crutch anymore.
Take care of Mom and Grandma too.
They’re doing the best they can.
Don’t let anything hurt them. If you ever sent me angels, they must be it.
Bring Aunt Katie and Uncle Brandon a healthy baby girl, like they’ve been wanting.
I want to see my baby brother, God.
I don’t understand why you’ve kept him from me. He’s turning seven in a week.
I haven’t seen him for months.

I’m sorry for saying I didn’t believe in you, God.
I don’t know if you can hear me up there,
But I ‘m sorry I haven’t come to you before, and I ‘m sorry for avoiding you.
I hope you can hear me,
Because I’ve decided I don’t feel worthless anymore. I want to live, not die.
You’ve helped me to realize that even if I’m alone,
I can get through life. Thank you
Thank you for gifting me in art and literature, sports and mathematics.
I promise I’ll do better.
Oh, and God? Please help me to overcome my issues with Aaron.
He’s my best friend, and I love him to death.
I could never part with him. I don’t care if we’re ‘too young’.
Please, let us show them we were right, that he is the one.
Don’t take him from me, like Jenny was taken from Forrest Gump.
I watched that movie today, and it made me cry.
You know that movies never make me cry.
I would be so lost without Aaron.
If I had to die to save him, or anyone I love, I’ve decided it wouldn’t be so bad.
After all, I would get to meet you.
Lastly, God, I’m trying to be simply happy.
When I was little, as you probably know,
I asked Dad what the point of life was.
He told me that it was to be happy;
That’s not what I’ve been doing….
But I’m going to start.
If I cry from being happy, so be it. But it hasn’t happened yet.
I’m ready, God.
Take my hand, and lead me into the sun.