Have you ever spoken a word aloud
That you didn’t know the meaning of?
Didn’t you wonder at the strange noises rolling off your tongue?
Did you question the point of all those gobbledygook syllables?

Life is like those words.

I do not know the meaning of it.
I wonder at the strange games daily life asks me to join in playing.
I question the point of all the nonsense
And dread slouching from out of my inviting bed each morning.
Day upon day, a terrible occurrence
Occurs,
Shattering my confidence like a stone thrown through an icy window pane.
I come home
And gravity forces me to kneel
As the day’s events overcome me with a wave of fresh pain.
I cannot suppress it for another second.
My composure topples like a house of cards.
Sobs tear through my throat
And the monster of depression violently rips from my chest.
It escapes my lips, blocking all air from my lungs
And frees itself.
Cold and alone,
Depression decides he needs his host.
He stays nearby,
Descending in a dark cloud
Then wraps himself around my shoulders and neck.
The escape leaves me gasping,
Hoping it is all unreal.
My body shakes the tears down my blotchy face
Staining my cheeks with the release of broken promises,
Forgotten achievements,
And pointless dreams.

There is nowhere to turn for comfort.
I try to turn to food,
But I am already full of despair.
I try to turn to physical pain
In hope that my torn hairs and scratched skin
Will give me a “real reason” to cry.
I’m too scared to do real damage
Fearing no one will want me because of the marks.
So I leave none.
Eventually,
Exhaustion takes its toll
And I am out of tears

For the time being.