"Why don't you
~Smile~
More?"

I wish I knew how many times
those words left people's lips
to slap me in the face.

I want to tell them everything.

About how I stay up reading
until the words blur and fade,
because I hate being
alone with my thoughts
in the dark.

How I over-analyze
EVERYTHING,
every mistake
replaying, replaying, replaying
like a broken record.

How I can't breathe
before another imagined scenario-
unrealistically good or bad-
pulls me under.

It all comes back to
the writhing, swelling ocean
of my brain, but
I shrug and say
"I guess I'm just
tired."