These flashbacks are what are killing me
I'm just waiting for the day that I cut
   too deep
While my mind is elsewhere

I am terrified every night that my mind
   will go back
   to those times
Everything I know of the present disappears

All I see are
   knives                                           him dead
   cement                                         rubble
   a hand on the side of my face    blood on my hands

All I hear is
   beating music                              sirens
   cursing                                         explosions
   tearing of clothes                         silence
   laughing                                       coughing

All I feel is
   a blade ripping my skin
   a sharp pain
   suffocation                                   Nothing

Mix and match any of them
It's still so horrible
   no matter the combination

And I'm all alone in my room
Curled in a ball
Screaming with no sound coming out
With no one there to wake me up

Sometimes I wish I was never born
Rather than live with these memories
Rather than living in fear that I will become unhinged
   from these ever-present flashbacks

A broken mind
A broken heart
A broken spirit
That's all I have now
never to be pieced back together
Since so much of me is missing now