Jul 2017
And when she went to bed,
She knocked over an empty pill bottle and a glass of water she wouldn't want to drink
When she refilled it, she checked six times that it was too far away to fall over again
Yes, she was in pain
And yes, she was tired
It was late and she was still checking that the air conditioner was set to exactly seventy,
Cool, not fan,
Auto, not high or low
And that the glass door downstairs was locked because she never felt save unless that door was locked
Never mind her blisters
Or contusions from falling down the stairs in the dark
Never mind that the pill bottle was empty
Because she swore that she was in control of her own thoughts
She just needed to check that the glass was far enough away,
One more time
She knocked over an empty pill bottle and a glass of water she wouldn't want to drink
When she refilled it, she checked six times that it was too far away to fall over again
Yes, she was in pain
And yes, she was tired
It was late and she was still checking that the air conditioner was set to exactly seventy,
Cool, not fan,
Auto, not high or low
And that the glass door downstairs was locked because she never felt save unless that door was locked
Never mind her blisters
Or contusions from falling down the stairs in the dark
Never mind that the pill bottle was empty
Because she swore that she was in control of her own thoughts
She just needed to check that the glass was far enough away,
One more time
Obviously about OCD but can apply to a lot of things, I think. Adiction, abuse cycles. I came back late from a movie to find that my OCD wanted me to build a perfectly symmetrical blanket fort to hide in and never leave again. Always in bed by 8 and up by 5 with the water exactly far enough from the edge of my dresser that it won't spill. Please comment :)
