“i’ve had hallucinations like that” no really and i don’t even need drugs to do it my brain used to give me all that nightmare **** for free
but when it happens all the time everyday is like a bad trip and it just keeps getting worse and it left dark circles under my eyes and shaking hands and so many cuts on my arm
because there is nothing poetic about watching great black and bony wings rip themselves out of someone's back and you swear that it is snowing inside since the cold flakes feel so real and the wall inhales and exhales against your back as you slide down it to the floor
and it’s really ******* hard to find a boy or a girl that will save you from yourself when you don’t even know if the chair that you’re sitting in is real
and it’s really ******* hard to be saved by someone when that isn’t realistic in the slightest and hollywood knows that as well because mental illness is not a thing that can be cured by sappy poems and chocolate and being told that you are beautiful
because i was not beautiful i was chewing holes into the insides of my cheeks and worrying ****** grooves into my lips and dried blood stuck to all the sleeves of my shirts and so many sleepless nights because even with my eyes closed i still saw every horrible thing
and there was no one to save me because when i told my mother between sobbing and shaking so much that my teeth chattered she looked right at me and told me that i just had an overactive imagination
and that was when the question of if i knew that the things i saw weren’t real became so many other moot points because crazy is as crazy does and the things i saw the things i saw put so many scars on my arms because blood is real and if it bleeds it has to be real it just has to be
How's that for some early morning angst, huh? I would just like to clarify that I do not, in fact, experience auditory and visual hallucinations anymore. Those up and left after my mother kicked me out. So, I guess she really did me a favor with that. But, yeah. That stuff doesn't happen anymore. It's just so much introspection into the past.